The holidays can truly be magical, I'm sure that we all have that one thing at least that helps us get into the spirit. However, they can also be seriously triggering for us, and what tends to trigger us the most? Other people. Whether that is family, friends, co-workers or the ever present nightmare of that bell they ring in front of stores, there is bound to be something that sets your teeth on edge and has you considering throwing that glittery center piece at Aunt Lizzie's head. There is a particular heaviness sitting in the air at this moment as well.
I have spoken to more than one client and friend in the last few weeks who just can't seem to summon that spirit. We're tired, overwhelmed and just generally not really in it like we would like to be. There seems to be an ever looming type of doom that we are feeling as traverse closer to the Yuletide. A lot of that doom seems to be centered around others. So, I have been talking quite a bit with others, about the Four Agreements, four concepts, penned by Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements, that help us navigate life and others with a bit more of a calmer outlook.
We are often triggered by others for a few reasons. Past traumas, anxious worry around outcomes, etc. at the root of all of that is fear and resentment and truly resentment comes from what we have fear around. It's also why if you've been within ten feet of me in the last month you've probably heard me prattle on (like that incessent bell) about our circle of control. When we are triggered we are in fear and when we are in fear we are in emotional-dysregulation which can create that explosion either outwardly or inwardly and often the explosion does not warrant to situation. Once we come down from the trigger and re-regulate we can reflect on how maybe we shouldn't have lost our shit or should have communicated in a different manner (unless it's over that godforsaken bell).
The Four Agreements can help us learn to avoid that trigger. They provide a way to look at the world and others and understand that very rarely is something about us, it is usually about our fear or the fear of others. It also instills an inherent understanding that we are human like those that trigger us and we are all operating from a place of pre-conceived notion about how the world should work and we are upset when it does not work in our sphere of understandning because we cannot control others, try as we might. Essentially, when you boil it all down; we need to watch how we speak to others and ourselves, we need to not make assumptions and be willing to communicate as well as listen openly (unless it's the infernal ringing of the bell and then plug your ears), we need not take anything personally because more times than not there is a deeper, fearful place that something is stemming from that has nothing to so with us and we need to do our best in all things, but the above three in particular.
Give Miguel Ruiz a chance to help you navigate this time of year and the world in general. Take some time, it's a very short, very easy read and sit down with the Four Agreements. Once you do, I'm telling you it will make a big difference in how you interact with the world and in your healing journey.
Blessings,
Alyssa
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